One day, Milo sat down in his little mud dwelling and stared at his bucket of water. He thought to himself, "There must be something else to drink other than water." So Milo consulted with the local Shaman who only offered pig's blood as a solution. Milo, being the kosher (of course before there was a such thing as Kosher), decided that he could not bare to drink the blood of an animal respectfully declined. The Shaman being upset with Milo's response, said "Well then go ask your maker!" The shaman, being the forgetful type, could not remember where he left his pointed stick. So by the time he found it Milo was no longer there for him to take his anger out on.
Milo took the Shaman's response literally (not realizing that the Shaman meant to harm him) and climbed the closest mountain. Upon reaching the top he yelled out, "God, give me something else to drink besides water and blood." God opened up the sky and looked at him and said, "Well my dear Milo, I can give you a taste of something wonderful, but it comes with a price." Milo agreed to God's deal. God handed a pitcher down to Milo. Milo took a drink and thought that this new substance was just dandy. So Milo said, "Oh God, what is the price of this liquid?" God looked at Milo and said, "You can drink this substance but if you drink too much you may end up doing things that you would not usually do and tomorrow you may not feel as good as you wish you did. Don't worry though, the effects are temporary." So Milo climbed back down the mountain and went home. Milo had a dandy party with all of his friends that night with this new drink.
The next morning Milo woke up in somebody else's Mud Dwelling. He rolled over and saw the third ugliest woman in the tribe. He also had a bit of a headache as well. Upon walking outside Milo felt sick to his stomach and puked his guts out in a bush. To cover up this embarrassment his took his trusty flint out and lit the bush on fire to dispose of the evidence. Just as he was doing this Bugal, the dirtiest man in the village, asked what the wonderful drink was last night. Milo started to explain the whole story but Bugal was only interested now in the bush on fire and quickly lost interest. Milo, was intrigued by this new drink but was not convinced that it was worth it. So he climbed his mountain again.
Upon reaching the top of the mountain he was again asked God for an alternative. God realized that his joke was not as funny as he originally thought so he decided he would add a little bit of a perk to the next patch. God reached down and handed Milo a green glass pitcher full of a new liquid. Milo tasted it, it was better than the last. Milo climbed down the mountain with this new pitcher. Unfortunately on the way down he tumbled a bit and fell off of the mountain and broke his arms and legs. Thankfully, Lucas, the tribe meat head found him laying in the ground. Lucas proclaimed, "Dude man, you rolled off a mountain like a rock with more of the magic drink!" Lucas carried Milo back to his mud dwelling. Feeling obligated Milo offered to share some of the new drink with Lucas. That night, Lucas drank most of the pitcher and ended up sleeping in Ditzo's, the dumbest woman in the entire tribe, mud dwelling (who also indulged in a glass of the magic drink). The next morning Lucas proclaimed that it was the greatest night ever but he seriously did not remember a thing.
Six months later Milo finally healed up enough to once again climb the mountain and consult with God. Upon reaching the top and consulting with God, God once again felt bad that things did not quite work out with Milo. Unfortunately it was getting to be really cold out and God realized that Milo needed something that was heartier and would make him feel warm during the cold months. So this time God handed a barrel full of creamy dark magic drink to Milo. Milo triumphantly accepts, climbed down the mountain, cooked a hearty meal that night over his fire, and drank this wondrously creamy dark liquid. This new liquid made him feel very full and stout but he had too many leftovers. Still the feeling was satisfying and he could not physically drink enough to make him do something stupid.
This satisfied Milo for a good 9 months. However, Milo still yearned for something that would truly satisfy him, something not so filling but still hearty in these cooler months. So Milo once again climbed his mountain, sat down underneath a tree with orange and red leaves and yelled out, "God, I know you have been generous to me, you have given me everything I have asked of you and given me proper warning, but I just think there may still be something else out there." God opened up his clouds and looked at Milo. "Milo, you have been patient enough I guess, you have trusted my judgment thus far, but now you have tried my patience so I cannot give you anything else!" Milo, being understanding of his demands and how much he has tried God decided that God was right and began to walk away. God feeling bad because Milo was a pretty nice guy stopped Milo before he could climb down. "Listen Milo, I am going to give you the recipe for all of the other drinks and you can make them as you see fit." So God wrote everything down on a stone and handed it to Milo. Still Milo looked sad. So God made one more concession. God said, "Milo, if once a week you come up here and play darts with me I will give you the perfect drink three months out of the year but I will never share the recipe." Milo jumped for joy and agreed to play darts with God (he always let him win). One last question from Milo though, how do I know which recipe is for which drink. God pondered and said he would give each one a nickname after Milo's experiences with them:
Bush Light
Rolling Rock
Stout
Milo asked what he should call the last one. God pondered and said, "Well it is the perfect drink, let's just call it Octoberfest."
The End
